COMMON MYTHS AND MISCONCEPTIONS (from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

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Despite the progress made in recent decades, domestic abuse is still a prevalent issue. One cause of this perpetuation may be the myths and misconceptions about domestic violence still pervasive in society. Though more people are educating themselves, many dismiss abuse's real impacts. Below are a few of the most common misconceptions and myths. 

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Myth #1: Women and children are inferior to men

Though women have gained more rights in recent decades, some cultures perpetuate the belief that women are inferior to men and should obey them. In addition, many cultures ignore the existence of women who are solely attracted to and want to date women, which leads to the belief that all women want to be "controlled" by a man. This myth perpetuates the idea that women should obey men, even when they are abused or in danger.

The same beliefs hold for children as well. Many parents who abuse their children believe that children are their property and can be abused if they do not act in the ways the parents expect. Many children are subjected to physical discipline due to these beliefs, with some people believing that physical abuse is a natural and healthy form of discipline, despite studies showcasing its many adverse impacts. 

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Myth #2: Domestic abuse is just physical abuse

When people hear "domestic abuse" or "domestic violence," they may equate them only to physical abuse. However, there are many forms of domestic violence, and they are not all physical. Any acts used to threaten, harm, or control another are a form of abuse, intimate partner violence, or family violence. These acts may include:

• Physical abuse

• Sexual abuse

• Emotional abuse

• Spiritual abuse

• Financial Abuse

• Stalking

• Harassment

• Reproductive abuse

• Psychological abuse

 

Myth #3: Intimate partner violence only happens to women

Though women experience abuse at higher rates, men are not exempt from intimate partner violence. However, the exact rate men experience domestic violence is difficult to determine. Many men do not report domestic violence because they fear being perceived as weak. The few men who report their experiences are often shamed or ignored by society, making it difficult to believe or receive resources. 

 

Myth #4: If abuse were bad, people would leave or get a divorce 

Domestic abusers do everything in their power to keep their spouses or children under their control. They may take away their forms of communication or transportation, making it more difficult for them to find support or leave home. Many survivors of abuse want to leave but may not have any means to do so. In addition, patterns of emotional abuse can lead survivors to believe that they are the problem and that their partner will treat them better if they "act better." 

 

Myth #5: The survivor provoked them 

The myth that abuse comes from being provoked often stems from the deeply rooted belief that men should use domestic violence to "discipline" their wives and children. Therefore, some people believe that if a woman has made a man angry, she "deserves" to be beaten. However, the abuse of any person is not justified. If anger arises in a relationship, healthy conflict resolution where both parties are treated as equals is healthiest.  

 

Myth #6: Domestic violence is a secret family matter, not a social issue

When domestic violence goes unchecked by the law, society can experience challenges as a result. Domestic violence situations result in high costs of hospital services, medication, court proceedings, and lawyer fees. Furthermore, many women in abusive marriages and relationships are discouraged from holding jobs or participating in the economy. Ignoring domestic violence and dismissing it as a family matter keeps hurting the economy and social progress of the country, and it takes away from the credibility of the word of survivors. 

 

Myth #7: Women often lie about abuse

False allegations of intimate partner violence are rare. People may want to believe that these allegations are false to ignore that they occur, keeping with the myth that domestic violence is a secret matter. Abusers may also deny accusations to stay in control. If people believe women lie about abuse, fewer men may face repercussions for their violent acts. 

 

Myth #8: Domestic violence is uncommon 

Domestic violence is common. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in three women and one in four men have experienced intimate partner violence in their lifetimes. Some people do not believe domestic violence is real if it does not leave visible signs. However, domestic violence is not always noticeable or obvious and can go undetected by friends and family.

 

Myth #9: Domestic violence only occurs to heterosexual couples

When speaking about domestic violence, many people refer to a husband-and-wife dynamic. This example may imply that other types of relationships are healthy and do not experience violence. However, domestic violence can happen to anyone of any gender or sexual orientation. Abuse can happen in same-sex relationships, not only in heterosexual relationships. Some research suggests that same-sex relationships experience a higher rate of domestic violence than heterosexual relationships.

 

Myth #10: Men can be good fathers even if they abuse their wives 

The above myth aims to justify that abusers can be positive parents and that abusing their wives is separate from this factor. However, domestic violence is a significant issue and often affects the children of violent parents. 

About 90% of children whose mothers are abused witness the abuse themselves. Witnessing abuse has enormous psychological ramifications that can last a lifetime. Furthermore, between 40% and 70% of those children are subjected to abuse themselves, meaning their parent hurt them and their mother.